Never Ever Tell
by tic tac toe 03
Summary: On the day they leave Hogwarts Fred and George Weasley compose a list called Never Ever Tell.......... Please Read and Review. Disclaimer: I own nothing everthing belongs to JK Rowling
1. Mum

Never Ever Tell Mum Her Cooking's Burning

**Never Ever Tell Mum Her Cooking's Burning **

It was a hot summer's day at the Burrow and it was chaos. Bill and Charlie were exchanging stories about the past year at Hogwarts in the garden, glasses of iced pumpkin juice by their sides.

Percy was cooped up in his room doing extra homework and occasionally sticking his head out the window to yell at someone to be quiet. Ron and Ginny were playing in the sandpit happily, making sandcastles.

Arthur was at work and Molly was cooking food that would go to waste in any ordinary house but this was the Weasley house and they did have six sons and a girl who was eager to beat her brother Ron in eating the most potatoes.

Fred and George were bored. They had tried to annoy Bill and Charlie but it didn't work. By now they had learnt to just ignore them however hard it was. They were ruining Ron and Ginny's sandcastles but then sand had got into Ginny's eye and Bill had to heal it before mum found out.

The only person left to annoy was Percy.

"You know George I still have some of those fireworks that you can light and see in the day. What were they called?"

"Daylight Fireworks." His twin replied rolling his eyes at the dumbness of his brother. "They are loud enough aren't they?"

Fred nodded and sprinted up indoors to get them.

Half and hour later…. 

"Fred! George! I am trying to work." Percy bellowed out the window.

"So are we you know Perce, we are trying to find out which is the quickest and most effective way of annoying you."

"Fred and George Weasley. How many times do I have to tell you. Leave your brother alone he's got work to do. "Molly stormed out into her garden to find Bill and Charlie hiding laughs behind magazines. Her youngest two playing innocently. Percy with is head out of his window and Fred and George smiling innocently up at their irate brother.

"Mum I think you should get back to the kitchen. Something's burning." George said worriedly.

"WHAT!" Molly screeched and hurtled back to the house. As she reached the kitchen she skidded to a halt.

"FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!"

An hour later the twins found themselves on hand and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor.

"The floor doesn't look as big as this when you're walking on it." George sighed.

"I know. Hey George , Never ever tell Mum her cooking's burning.

_**So what did you guys think. Funny? Boring? Well Written? Badly Written? Please tell me what you thought and if I get a good response I'll write some more and because they're quite short I'll post two at time from now on. **_

_**Thanks for reading. **_

_**Tac **_


	2. Dad

Never ever tell Dad that Mum's found out about the enchanted muggle TV

**Never ever tell Dad that Mum's found out about the enchanted muggle TV**

. At aged just six they didn't really know what was right and what was wrong. Or at least that was what they had fooled everyone into thinking. Really they knew that telling their mother about Dad's muggle TV would get Dad into trouble.

However, Dad wouldn't be cross with them. After all they were only two six year old very innocent twins.

Fred smirked at George and put out a hand to open the door when a voice from behind them stopped him.

"What are you two doing?" It was Bill and behind him stood Charlie who both looked slightly scared at the thought at their two younger brothers standing together looking very innocent.

"Going to talk to Daddy." George informed them. Bill and Charlie heaved a sigh of relief and wandered off to talk.

"Their gullible." Fred commented. George's face creased in confusion.

"What does that mean?"

Fred thought for a minute and then answered. "They believe everything you tell them."

"How did you know that?" George answered, a bit put out that Fred had learnt a new word before him.

"Percy thought it would be a good idea for me to read his essay, it had it in."

"But Percy doesn't even go to Hogwarts yet, why would he be doing homework? I think you're going a bit mad Fred."

"He writes essay for fun." Fred explained.

"Are you sure he's our brother?" George double checked. Fred nodded and opened the door to the shed.

"Hi Daddy." They said happily. Their father jumped and turned to them.

"Hi twins are you ok?"

"Yes but Daddy Mummy wants to see you now." Fred said.

"She says it's very important." George finished. Arthur sighed and held out his hands.

"Come on then."

"No Daddy. I don't think it's a very good idea for us to come." George said.

"Yes Daddy. You see Mummy is a bit cross with us." Fred added.

Their father sighed. "What have you two done now?"

"We stole Ron's teddy bear." Fred started.

"And hid it up a tree." George finished.

"How did you get it up the tree?" Arthur asked.

"We climbed."

"Right then out of the shed while I talk to your mother." Arthur said.

"Can't we stay here while you go Daddy?" George asked.

"No. Go and talk to Percy."

"But he's boring."

"Well talk to Bill and Charlie then."

"Ok." And they ran off to talk, no sorry, annoy their brothers.

Ten Minutes Later. 

Arthur came up to where four of his sons where sitting.

"Bill did you tell your mother about the enchanted muggle TV?"

"No Dad why?"

"Because she somehow found out about it and has only just finished yelling at me." His father replied.

"Oh so that's what the noise was all about." Charlie said.

"Daddy. Charlie told Mum." Fred and George told their father.

Arthur raised his eyebrows at his son. "Charlie come with me please."

Charlie obeyed, rising to his feet but glaring at his younger brothers at the same time.

Half an Hour Later 

A gnome came flying through the air and hit Fred in the face.

"Oww." Fred clutched his face.

"You know Fred never ever tell Dad Mum's found out about the muggle TV."

_**So if you hadn't guessed the chapters aren't in chronological order as in this one the twins are only six. And they will also be in a really random order depending on who I get inspiration for next. **_

_**And if you press the small button in the left hand corner of your screen it will transport you to Hogwarts. **_

_**Thank you to all of you who have reviewed so far it means a lot to me. **_

_**And if you actually believed the above the above then the new word of the day applies to you. And if you don't know what that is then you're dumb. If you still haven't got it after a while of thinking "What the hell is she on about." Then just PM me and ask. After all there's no such thing as a dumb question unless it comes from my friends. **_

_**Tac **_


	3. Charlie

Never Ever Tell Charlie that Harry's a Better Seeker than Him

**Never Ever Tell Charlie that Harry's a Better Seeker than Him **

The Weasley siblings were relaxing in their garden eagerly talking about the Quidditch World Cup that Arthur had got tickets for. It was a week away and it was all they could talk about, well almost.

Fred cast a sly look at Charlie and turned to his twin.

"George who do you think is the best seeker that has ever played for Gryffindor while we have been there."

George faked a look of concentration. "You know Fred I think its Harry."

Charlie spilt his pumpkin juice down his front. "I was seeker while you two were there." He protested. "You haven't forgotten?"

"Of course not Charlie." Fred said.

"It's just that we think Harry is a better seeker than you."

"You. What I don't believe it." Charlie spluttered his face turning bright red. Fred and George smirked from behind the tree where they had taken refugee. Charlie never used magic **to hurt anyone. But he did punch the living daylights out of them.**

A week after the Quidditch World Cup the Weasley siblings, Harry and Hermione were relaxing in the garden again. Well everyone apart from Percy who was at work and Charlie.

"Bill where's Charlie?" Ron asked. His elder brother shrugged.

"I dunno but he's been in a bit of bad mood recently." He replied glaring at the twins.

"What did you two do now." Hermione sighed.

"Would we do anything?" George asked her, acting hurt. Hermione raised her eyebrows at him.

"We told Charlie that Harry was a better seeker than him." Fred admitted.

"You did what." Harry yelped. "No wonder he's been giving me evil glares."

"Exactly which is why we are going to play a game of quidditch now to prove who's the best. Whoever catches the snitch wins." Charlie said, sneaking up behind them.

Teams: Chasers: **Bill Ron **_Ginny Hermione _

Beaters: **Fred **_George_

Seeker: **Charlie **_Harry _

Ten minutes into the game both teams were drawing 30 to 30. Fred and George, who were furious at being separated, were hovering 20 feet up.

"I can't believe they separated us." Fred whinged waving his arms around madly. He didn't notice that his beaters bat had slipped casually out of his hand.

10 feet below Charlie caught it at first thinking it was the snitch. Looking down he realised it wasn't.

A beaters bat, a bludger coming towards him, Fred and George unaware and saying Harry was a better seeker.

"Without warning Fred and George were sent spinning off their brooms and down towards the ground. As their heads, containing their very dangerous brains, hit the ground darkness took over them.

An hour Fred woke up in St Mungos. He glanced over and saw his twin in an identical, wide awake and chatting up a young pretty nurse.

He coughed and George turned to him.

"What. Why. When. How."

"Fred never ever tell Charlie that Harry's a better seeker than him."

**_Thanks for reading, please review now. Thanks to those..... ok can't be bothered to write thisas it is going to be basically the same thing as the previous authors note. _**

**_Tac _**


	4. Ron

**Never Ever Tell Ron that you have to fight a Giant Spider at the Sorting **

"My Hogwarts letter has come." Ron said, marching up to the twins.

"Yes so it has Ron." Fred said, smiling down at his brother with what he thought was a kind smile on his face. In reality it was a smirk, one that was recognised as very dangerous if seen on either Weasley twin's face.

Ron smiled happily at them and turned away to go and find his sister Ginny to tell her. She and Ron as the youngest were very close and spent hours trying to think of ways to get back at their brothers.

"Wait Ron." George called after him. His younger brother turned and frowned at him.

"You may have got into Hogwarts but many students have been turned away at the sorting." George continued.

"Why?" Ron asked, worry creeping into his face.

"Well when you arrive at Hogwarts you go into the Great Hall where everyone is waiting for you and there you have to fight a giant spider and then that decides on which house you'll be in" Fred told him.

"But plenty of people have been sent home because they failed to fight the spider properly. You know that muggle cousin we have who no one ever speaks of." George added.

Ron nodded, his eyes growing wider with fear.

"Well he's not actually a muggle he failed the sorting and so the family disowned him. It was all very tragic."

Ron froze and then with one last fearful look at his brothers he turned and ran towards the house.

"MUM!" he wailed.

"You two are in for it now." Charlie laughed, jumping down from the tree.

"Damn it." George swore. "I hadn't thought of that."

Charlie laughed and walked off towards the house.

"Oh yeah, don't forget to out cotton wool in your ears before Mum comes to yell at you." He called over his shoulder.

Half an Hour Later 

"Hey George. Do you think it's safe to take the cotton wool out now?" Fred asked his brother.

"What sorry can't hear you."

Fred rolled his eyes and took the cotton wool out of his ears. George copied him.

"Oh so that's what you wanted to do."

Five Hours Later 

"I've never worked so hard in my life."

"Yeah for once I actually feel sorry for Mum. Imagine having to clean the whole house every week."

"Except our room." Fred reminded George "and besides she uses her wand."

"Still!"

"You know Fred if you ever want to avoid having to clean the house from top to bottom including the attic with the ghoul that scared you so much.."

"I was not scared!"

"Again." George finished "Then…"

"Never ever tell Ron that you have to fight a giant spider at the sorting." They finished together.

_**Sorry. That was not one of my most inspired or best ones but luckily I have more inspiring ideas up my sleeve. Please leave a review and thanks for reading. **_

_**Next chapter will hopefully be up soon. **_

_**Tac xxx **_


	5. Percy

**Never Ever Tell Percy that Mr Crouch has Died **

**Set: **summer between third and fourth year, before Harry arrives, at the burrow.

"Morning Mum." George sad cheerfully, sitting down at the table for breakfast. As usual it was very crowded although Arthur was at work.

Mrs Weasley was busy at the stove, while Bill, Charlie, Fred, Ron and Ginny were sitting at the table. They all looked wide awake and had windswept hair.

"Where have you all been?" George asked sitting down between Fred and Charlie.

"Playing quidditch." Charlie answered, grinning at Bill.

"Thanks for the invite it was very kind of you to ask me." George grumbled.

"We did invite you." Bill put in before George could start verbally beating his twin.

"Yeah. You rolled over and called me a git before going back to sleep when I asked you." Fred said, glaring at his twin. "Calling someone a git isn't very nice."

"I'm sure you're get over it." George replied, smirking at his brother. "It can't have hurt you too much."

"I'm hungry." Ron whined as Fred rolled around on the floor, pretending he was in pain.

"You're always hungry Ron." Ginny said, ignoring Fred.

"Oww the pain, it hurts. I'm dying. I leave my…"

Bill rolled his eyes at Charlie. By now they were all used to the twin's silly antics and just ignored them.

"Bacon and eggs coming through." Molly said turning round from the stove with her wand outstretched, balancing a plate of food on the end.

"Thank Merlin." Ron said.

"MERLINS WAND FRED CAN YOU START ACTING YOUR AGE PLEASE BEFORE WE HAVE A MOR SEROUS ACCIDENT" Molly started yelling at her son as she tripped over him and the bacon and eggs went flying.

"Sorry Mum." Fred replied as his brothers burst out in hysterics although Ron was still looking longingly at the ruined food.

Half an hour later they were all relaxing in the garden when George suddenly noticed that Percy was missing.

"Where's Perce?" he asked.

Bill smirked. "Working on something that we all care about so much in his room." He said, his siblings failing to get the sarcasm.

"Bill. We don't care about cauldron bottoms." Fred stated, Charlie, Ron and Ginny nodding along with him.

"Don't we?" George asked.

"No we don't care." Fred said firmly.

"But I do." George whined.

"Don't."

"Do."

"Don't."

"Do."

"FOR HEAVENS SAKE." Percy yelled as his bedroom window flew open and his head appeared. "I'M TRYING TO WORK ON A VERY IMPORTANT REPORT FOR MR CROUCH AND ALL OF YOU ARE MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE."

"Sorry Perce." Fred said while his siblings tried to contain their laughter.

"Yeah but Percy haven't you heard the bad news yet." George asked, turning round and sending his siblings the look that said _this will be funny but go along with what I say. _

"No." a very confused Percy said.

"Well Mr Crouch has died."

An hour later Percy came back from the ministry in a very bad mood.

"George Mr Crouch isn't dead. How dare you lie to me and tell me he is. It's not even funny."

"Sorry Percy but I was told he was." He said with a straight face.

"Well I have just been talking to him." He screamed his face going white with anger.

"Are you sure he wasn't a ghost." George double checked.

"What. You little. Arrgh." Percy seethed.

"Yes Perce were you saying anything." George asked.

"Yes I'm telling Mum about what you did to me yesterday."

"What was that Percy, do please enlighten me." George asked, in genuine puzzlement.

"You put fireworks in my work folders."

"Ahh so that was what the noises where. Anyway how do you know that was me?"

"The note you sent with it that said Love from George."

"Good point. Did you like the show?"

Percy stormed out of the room.

"No Perce wait, don't tell Mum."

There was no answering reply.

"Do you think Hogwarts is safe?" George asked his siblings.

"Nah, too close." Fred replied.

"Australia might be." Ginny suggested.

"HE DID WHAT."

"You're too late." Charlie laughed as their mother's footsteps got louder.

"Nooooooooo!"

"Tip for the future George. Never Ever Tell Percy that Mr Crouch is dead." Fred smiled.

_**So what did you think? It didn't turn out quite as I imagined so please let me know. Was it funny enough? If not can you give suggestions on how to write comedy. I generally write tragedies so I need some help in the comedy department. Thanks to all of you who have reviewed and to all of those who have read this, that's definitely you. **_

_**Tac **_


	6. Chapter 6

**Never Ever Tell **

_**Hey, Like most of my stories I am losing interest on them so I thought I'd give you the list and also the opportunity to chose one (or more) and write a oneshot about them and then send me the link which I'll put on my profile. I might right some more as well. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, alerted, favourited and read this. I love you all. **_

_**Tac xxx**_

Never ever tell Ron that you have to fight a giant spider at the sorting

Never ever tell Ginny that girls aren't allowed into Hogwarts

Never ever tell Percy that Mr Crouch has died

Never ever tell Mum that her cooking's burning

Never ever tell Dad that Mum's found out about the enchanted muggle TV

Never ever tell Bill that he's a rubbish elder brother

Never ever tell Fleur that her make ups smudged

Never ever tell Charlie that Harry's a better seeker than him

Never ever tell Hermione that she's has a piece if homework in for the next day when she hasn't

Never ever tell Oliver that their going to lose every quidditch match

Never ever tell Angelina that she's turning into Oliver

Never ever tell Katie that every necklace she owns is cursed

Never ever tell Harry that Voldemort has returned

Never ever tell Alicia that Angelina wants to kick her of the team in favour of Neville

Never ever tell McGonagall that you want to be a Hogwarts Professor when you grow up

Never ever tell Sirius that dogs are ugly, stupid, disgusting

Never ever tell Remus that you've put a potion in his drink that will make him a werewolf permanently.

Never ever tell Mad eye that you keep your wand in the back pocket of your jeans

Never ever tell Great Aunt Muriel that your adopted

Never ever tell Lee that you're George when really you're Fred

Never ever tell Dumbledore that you hate sweets

Never ever tell Snape that it's noticeable when he washes his hair

Never ever tell Trelawney that you've just predicted her death

Never ever tell Hagrid that you've just seen a flying pig

Never ever tell Umbridge that Fudge has sacked her

Never ever tell Luna that wafflligs don't exist

Never ever tell Neville that he's forgotten something

Never ever tell Cedric that Percy fancies him

Never ever tell Harry's Aunt Petunia that her house and garden is messy

Never ever tell Harry's Uncle Vernon that muggles are really wizards in denial.

Never ever tell Harry's Cousin Dudley that he has a pigs tail

Never ever tell Madam Pomfrey that you've jinxed everyone so they'll never be hurt again

Never ever tell Verity that your going to blow the world up

Never ever tell Penelope that her nose looks like a pigs nose

Never ever tell Flitwick that you were the person who jinxed his pile of cushions to collapse every time he stood on them

Never ever tell Filch that you know he's a squib

Never Ever Tell Ron and Harry's friend Dean that football (whatever that may be) is stupid.

Never Ever Tell Ron and Harry's friend Seamus that the Irish are all rich as they get lots of gold from leprechauns

Never Ever Tell Bellatrix Lestrange that you're a more loyal death eater than she is

Never Ever Tell Cho Chang that everyone she dates dies or could die

Never Ever Tell Dobby that Harry Potter hates him

Never Ever Tell Gilderoy Lockheart that all women think he's gay

Never Ever Tell Slughorn that you were the one who hexed everyone who attended one of his slug club meetings to turn into slugs every five minutes

Never Ever Tell Voldemort that you love him


End file.
